A poem to the youth.

My first poem, to the youth.

Where is God?

The Bible tells us He is up above waiting with His hands stretched out to us,

Waiting to determine whether our time here on earth was well spent or not.

Since I was born I was expected to believe in a man I could not see,

Believe with all my heart in things that could not be explained.

I had to trust a somebody I did not know with all my fears and troubles,

Talk to someone who I always felt was not listening,

Who claimed to love me yet tore away my world like a bandaid.

My prayers became a candle lit for too long,

Dripping away into nothing but a pile of cold hard wax,

My church became so far away even as I sat restlessly in its pews,

Communion went from the body and blood to tasteless bread and wine,

No fulfillment as I swallowed such holiness like I was eating a snack.

The Holy bread was simply bread that got me going before breakfast,

My bible became a dust collector and my rosaries decoration to my emptiness.

My silver cross no longer found home around my neck,

But found discomfort in my sorrow, my guilt and my conscience.

I decided to replace God with whatever was in arms reach,

Like filling a void with water only for it to evaporate and come back a storm.

I would aimlessly trudge through my days with a new mask to show,

My sunday best was replaced with a fast food uniform,

Mass was not a thought when my sabbath became a heavier paycheck,

And I would blame the stress from my boss for the tears I would weep each Sunday night!

I was driving down a long and empty road, ignoring all signs as I sped by,

Even the ones that screamed in red WRONG WAY GO BACK,

I drove down a road covered in pot holes, with my road guide thrown out the window,

I drove and I drove, fuelled by the bitter taste of selfishness and pride,

Not stopping to let others pass or allowing anybody to cut in the lane,

When they beeped at me my hands would rush to turn the music louder,

Anything to drown out my sorrow, my guilt and my conscience.

My grieving, godless life welcomed anxiety with wide open arms,

Eagerly unwrapping my sanity like an early Christmas present.

It tickled me in my weak spots, yet no laughter escaped my closed lips,

It poked and prodded at my joy, then joyfully beating me down like a pinata,

Yet no sweets poured from my soul as it relentlessly tore me open.

Right before my lifeless eyes, I watched as my grey cloud turned black

My stress,

My fears,

My misery,

My loneliness,

My grief,

My life hit a point where a bandaid would only conceal these faults from the world,

No sessions or diary entries would be able to relieve me of this pain,

I had not enough fingers to count the number of solutions I practiced,

Yet none unlocking the cage I was trapped and starved in.

With no thought I found myself back in those pews,

Where I reached so far down in my soul to retrieve the only thing I knew,

My knees, my fingers, my lips, all shaking with most holy fear,

As I at last took the hand of God with the sign of the cross.

In the name of the Father, and Of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,

The hopeful palm of God enveloped me in peace and comfort,

Giving me refuge in such a warm embrace,

No longer was I carrying a burden too heavy for these shuddering shoulders,

No longer was I entrapped in a cage, but living in such confidence,

That I did not need to see to believe!

My were eyes widened to the miracles from God,

no longer was I blinded by corruption,

But blessed with a flame that I will fan until God lifts my soul!

I will not believe in just a man, but a fully human and fully divine Father,

Who shepherds me into safety and will stand firmly by my side,

Despite the number of times my back is faced towards His glory.

A Father who listens to the hungry and thirsty, relieving us of our troubles.

Who forgives the most unforgivable and not for a moment revokes his hand from our reach.

I chose to know God, to befriend somebody who died to know me!

My cross will not be held with just 2 hands, because just as Simon, God relieves the weight,

Walks me to light and rewards me with breath I breathe, and the flame I fan!

You too can take the hand of the Father,

Give Him the key to your cage,

Let Him alleviate your cross and reignite the light he died for you to have,

Walk through your darkest valleys fearing no evil,

Be willing to take the first step in enlightening your sorrow, your guilt, and your conscience

In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

- follow @iamme_claudia on instagram for more <3