Great Expectations

Public Speaking Speech written by Joanne Lee

When I was born my parents were handed a contract and at the top in big bold letters it read “Great Expectations.” It told them what to expect when raising a child. It was their guide - what to do if they cried, what to feed them, what to read them, what to say and what to play. It told them about the joy you felt but forgot to mention the cruel hand they’d been dealt.

Because no one tells you that being born a girl means there are added conditions - “this is tradition, forget your ambition, you can’t have that position, it isn’t your decision, you’re just meant to listen! Go back to the kitchen.” Stick to the expectation. When I was five a boy pushed me over at school but my teacher told me “It's because he likes you, you fool.” I was nine when the lady at church said that “Nice girls never speak back, unless they are looking to earn a smack.” At age fourteen I would walk down the street as guys in their cars honked at me and I’d just stare at my feet. It was fifteen when a boy from work called me a tart and a tease and all I could do was in my spot freeze. I had just turned sixteen when a man on the tram placed his hand on my thigh yet my friend said “Was your skirt too high? Or is this a lie?” I couldn't believe when I was seventeen a boy yelled that I was a prude because I simply wouldn't send him a nude. Soon I’ll be eighteen and when I walk home at night, it's important I know how to fight. My friends will say no but they’ll still think it means go, we scream “me too” but the media says “we don’t care about what you’ve been through”.

But then again no one told by brother that being born a boy meant there are added subsections - “Always give good impressions, your life is your profession, don’t show your affection, never change your expression, power is your aggression! You’re society's protection.” Adhere to the expectation. When my brother was five a girl in class said “Boys don’t colour with pink, you should probably rethink.” When he was nine he wanted to act in a play but the boy in the year above told him “nah that’s gay”. At age thirteen the boys at football laughed when he cried, they said “You have to man up, show some damn pride.” He was fourteen when he was in his first brawl they cheered as they threw him hard up against a wall. When he was fifteen girls told him “You may be 6ft tall but your face is quite the downfall”. At sixteen he turned bright red when his mates said “what’s taking so long to get her in bed.” It scares me to see him use kicks and hits rather than his words and his wits. Hes now almost seventeen and I’m getting concerned that maybe his feelings aren’t ever being heard.

Because once upon a time someone decided that “Boys don’t cry” and “Girls will be quiet” - these are your great expectations!

Ladies and gentlemen, from birth girls are told that they should be sugar and spice and everything nice and boys should be heroic and rough and always tough. Our great expectations of gender have created a culture that is not just inequitable but also dangerous. This ideology that, we as an entire community, have developed has been able to normalise behaviour that is unacceptable from both genders. We are desensitised to stories of domestic violence, disregard mental health issues and reinforce archaic ideals.

These great expectations have translated into shocking results. Research has shown that from a young age that boys are told ‘don’t cry’ and to just ‘man up’ yet this socialisation causes them to bottle up their emotions and later turn to aggressive behaviour. The World Health organisation penned a paper on this topic and found that when there is gender inequality present there is an increased likelihood of domestic violence against women. On average one in three women experience physical violence from the age of 15. One in five men will experience anxiety. One out of five women have experienced sexual violence. One in eight men will experience depression. One in four women have experienced emotional abuse and men make up 6 out of 8 suicides in Australia

I'm going to let you in on a secret, most people don’t adhere to these stereotypes; women can be loud and defiant and men can be emotional and empathetic. We need to better educate ourselves and our younger generations to break these great gender expectations. The University of Melbourne has conducted research into how to redirect our perceptions of gender and how to instigate a change in our culture. They suggest that if we begin to tackle this issue from preschool - the promotion of gender equality will become a lot easier and more natural.

We need to consciously challenge these expectations when we see them. Many people have already been making this conscious change for example the creation of the He for She movement which is run by the United Nations which aims to achieve global solidarity for gender equality. They recognise gender equality as not just a women’s issue but a human rights issue. Since it’s launch in 2014 there has been over 1000 community events, 3.3 million online pledges and over a billion social media conversations associated with the movement. This progress is just the beginning though as we become more aware of this issue.

We as women need to stand by men and encourage our brothers, fathers, cousins and friends to be able to express themselves and break the bolts and shackles of society's expectations. And men you need to stand by women with your sisters, mothers, aunts and friends and unlock the doors to the glass house we live in.

Because I see a future that is so much brighter. Together we can tear up the contract we were forced to live by and rewrite the terms and conditions of our great expectations. One day I hope to have a family of my own and when I sign on the dotted line agreeing to our Great Expectations I will know that my son and daughter will be equal. They will colour with any shade they wish, pursue their passions, feel safe walking down the street and know the value of their own voice. They will laugh and they will cry openly until the day they die. Girls will disrupt and boys won’t erupt. They will speak up, team up and leap up for each other. These are my Great Expectations!