Things Fall Apart

Public Speaking Speech by Claudia Harb

There used to be a house on my street that could hardly stay standing. What used to be windows overlooking a beautiful neighbourhood, was covered by vandalism, offensive slurs and devil horns sprayed over the cracked glass. The front door had been replaced with caution tape and the porch steps looked like teeth ready to tear apart anyone who came too close. As the house deteriorated more and more, my fear within would only expand and my heart would race faster each time we drove past it. At 13 years old I asked my mother how that house came to be and she answered by saying “Claudia, things fall apart. Each thing comes with its own needs and when these needs are neglected, it shows”. Then me, being my curious self, asked her how something like that could be turned around, she said to me “It is up to you to overcome your fear and find out for yourself what that house needs in order to become a home”.

After the death of my grandmother in 2018, things fell apart. Like the house on my street, my eyes were blinded by grief that I could not see the beauty surrounding me. I had caution tape wrapped around my heart and if anyone dared to come close to me I would push them away. My great big Orthodox Bible was closed and pushed right to the back of my closet, out of sight but not out of mind. For some time, I thought I had joined the 30.1% of Australians who claimed to have no religion and I had no idea of the consequences that I, personally, was going to face for this.

Walking down the aisle of my church behind her coffin, drove me to travelling down a road I knew was only going to bring darkness into my life. Another layer of spray paint over these eyes and even more caution tape around this heart, I refused to wipe away the dust that covered my icon of the holy Theotokos. My soul would grumble as it hungered for the nourishment of the Eucharist, yet I ignored my needs and allowed things to fall apart even more.

My life had hit a point where no counselling sessions or diary entries could relieve me from the pain that consumed me, nor was I able to conceal my faults from the rest of the world. I had spent so long searching for goodness, happiness and validation from material things and people, that the fulfilling feeling of faith had become foreign to me.

As my relationship with the Father deteriorated more and more, the fear within me would only expand and my heart would race faster each time I had thought about it. I went back to what my mother had told me, that I must overcome my fear and find out for myself what that house needs to be made a home. That week, the house on my street was knocked to the ground. It was then nothing but a pile of rubble on top of its original cement foundation, finally being made new again. Seeing this sparked an unexpected flame in my heart, my anxiety replaced with hope, I at last found myself back in those pews. Eager to cater to MY needs, I retrieved from so far down in my heart, the only thing I knew. With the sign of the cross, I took the welcoming hand of God and walked one step closer to putting things back together.

Like the story of the prodigal son, my Father ran to me when watching as I made my way to Him. He enveloped me in comfort, offering me compassion and fulfillment, but most importantly, He gave me the chance to repent. In those pews I surrendered myself to Christ, begged for his mercy and with holy fear I confessed my sins unto Him. A heavy weight had immediately been lifted off of my shoulders, and just like that my caution tape had been torn in half. I heard God’s word whispering in my ear and the more I opened my heart to Him, the louder His voice became and the wider my smile spread across my face. With each tear that I shed, another burden was surrendered to Him, left in the trusting hand that had given me life! I trusted that the Lord's power was greater than my anxiety, just like using a double brick rather than some old wood. Slowly slowly I began to use God’s guidance to rebuild my own walls and to be reborn under the proud eyes of my grandmother. Just like the house on my street, my foundation had stayed the same, no matter how much damage and trauma had been piled on top of it. Rather than having a team of construction workers restoring my soul, I had the unconditional support from the Divine Holy Trinity and of course, the great Mother of God. Their words, their love, their nourishment were all the pieces that I needed in order for myself to finally be put back together.

They taught me to unite myself with those around me, despite our differences, just like that home had united itself with every other home on its street, despite their uniqueness. You see, not every construction site requires the exact same tools, coloured paint, same furnishments and light fittings. Each house has its own demands in order to be a home and recover from its fallings. It can be scary and overwhelming to look into these needs after having neglected them for so long while the wallpaper just kept peeling, but like mum said, “It is up to you to overcome your fear and find out for yourself what that house needs in order to become a home”. Here in Australia, 52. 1% of the population have recognised Christianity as their need, 2.6% Islam, 2.4% Buddihsm, and 30.1% that rely on the belief that there is no existence of God. Whichever religion or non religion we are called to, we must work together in unity as a peaceful community, making each and every street a welcoming and inviting one with windows overlooking distinctive beauty surrounding them. We must work towards the acceptance that each person stands upon their own foundations, own values and beliefs and to not allow these to put a stop to blossoming relationships. When we each have put ourselves back together, using our needs as glue for our pieces, our society will walk one step further in being made new again, in peace, harmony and communion.

The house on my street is now rebuilt, after months of being in greatly needed repairs, it stands tall and proud. Here I stand before you, finally rebuilt with strength, living in holy fear, with the faith in a God who will support me through all my tribulations. I stand amongst millions of people, each a member of their own faith tradition or even none at all. I stand before you proudly, to say that through Orthodoxy, I have put myself back together, and I encourage you to do the same, in overcoming your fear and discovering your needs in order to once again, be as whole as a home.