what you can't see...

you see the smile i give you as you walk past in the hallway

you hear me laugh in class when someone says something funny

but you don’t see the hurt in my eyes when the smile fades as you leave

and you don’t see the tears i cry at night, alone in my room

in the beginning it was a small voice in my head

telling me all the reasons i deserved it

the way you treated me as if i wasn’t there

as if i wasn’t worth any of your love or time

i should be happy for you because you’ve moved on

but I’m stuck in the past, unable to move forward

i wish i could forget all the bad things i felt around you

but when there was more bad than good, it’s hard to forget

you held my heart in your hands, but you shattered it

i’m broken, and i don’t know if i’ll ever be whole again

you have no idea how much you hurt me, and i wish you did

because your ignorance is what hurts more than anything

the feeling was like nothing i’d felt before

a hole in my heart, an emptiness, a loneliness

for months i pushed you away, scared to admit the truth

that you weren’t right for me, that i had to let go

i’m glad that you’ve found someone better for yourself

and that you have been giving them your time and love

but at the same time, it hurts to see what i missed out on

the love you were capable of giving me, but didn’t

and now that i see you together, it makes sense

the way you smile and laugh with them is different

suddenly the excuses i made for you mean nothing

i told myself it was you, but maybe it was me all along

i looked in the mirror, wishing i was someone else

wishing i was prettier, funnier, skinnier, happier

wishing i was someone that you could love

someone that i could love

i spent so long changing myself for you

acting a certain way so you would ‘like’ me

but i’m tired of fighting for people to stay

maybe for once, i want someone to fight for me

i’m trying my best to forgive you, but i’ll never forget

no matter how much i wish i could, i can’t forget

so thank you for helping me realise what i couldn’t before

that i deserve so much more than what you gave me