Relationships are hard, even harder when they surround you within the small 'fish bowl' of highschool. At our young age, we often feel the pressure to be liked by everyone, be friends with everyone and to avoid all drama and conflict as much as possible. But sometimes, this isn't as easy as we anticipate. Sometimes, conflict arises, girls will disagree, friends will do the unexpected and even go to the extent of breaching trust.
They will come...they will go. Friends may make us laugh, or cry, maybe even cause us to feel angry. They may be that one friend that you cannot picture your life without, the one who knew your whole family and become more like a sister. They may be someone you gained the trust of and given them your trust, the friend you never expected to hurt you. And then they do. They do all the things you never saw coming, leaving you to feel lost and unsure about who you are.
How do you overcome this? Where do you go from there? They have hurt you...but what now?
-
1. Stop and think. Take a step back and let yourself process what has just happened. Your immediate reaction to the situation may be influenced by anger and hurt, causing you to act out of character and say or do things that you may regret when you are in the right mindset. Reflect on the situation at hand and possibly seek advice from a trustworthy adult (remember, our parents, older family and teachers were teenagers once as well!)
2. When processed, proceed with honest, respectful and open communication. Before you confront the person, plan beforehand an appropriate time and place to do so. If you intend to work the situation out on school grounds, I recommend areas such as the chapel, the pastoral care room (the 'purple room' beside the coordinator's office) and always alert your Year Coordinator or Mrs Cofini (you will need permission for rooms like the pastoral care room).
Otherwise, find a comfortable and safe environment outside of school!
From here, you will need to express how you feel...as scary and difficult as that may sound. Whilst doing this, keep calm. If you find yourself leaning towards anger or feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to recollect yourself. It is important you open up, however, it is equally as important to allow the other person a chance to speak. Be the bigger person and treat them the way you wished they would treat you, give them respect and try to hear their side.
3. Acceptance. This part is tough but you cannot move towards forgiveness and letting go if you are still feeling anger or resentfulness towards the circumstance. If you feel as though you need more time to process, understand and accept it, then take that time! Remember, this is YOUR journey, your pace and your way of processing.
4. The hardest part of all, forgiveness and moving on. Forgiving a person is much easier said than done but it is something we will all experience and will continue to experience throughout our lives. When struggling with forgiveness, the best way to turn is to God. When praying the Our Father, we are reminded of this in:
"As we forgive those who trespass against us"
We cannot be forgiven until we have done so ourselves! Forgiving others, even if their apology or remorse is not what we expected, will set us free and relieve us of so much stress. Sometimes, they won't even apologise at all, but we must forgive, if not for their sake then for our own.
Forgiveness allows us to lighten the weight and move forward, to keep growing and travelling along your journey. and of course, letting the situation go is the most rewarding of steps we must take. Once we alleviate that weight and burden, we will have the mental and emotional strength to continue along our quest for happiness and success. As we move on, we will have space in our mind to learn more about ourselves, relationships and gain a better understanding of our self worth and who our real friends truly are.
**If you do experience conflict within friendship groups that you feel are becoming out of hand, do not hesitate to alert your Year Coordinator, Keira (our school counsellor) or our Wellbeing Coordinator! They are there to HELP us, do not feel as though you must handle everything on your own. We are young and do not have the experience and wisdom that they will be able to offer you :D**
Comments