Alexia Vidotto
- Oct 8, 2021
- 5 min read

Why women living without children should be normalised.

"

'Mum' is an important title, and it is a badge of honour

– but it is not the only one a woman can have.

"

I found this quote while I was doing my weekly research on documentaries and I came across this article on Glamour by Jennifer Anderson and Grace Barnes on the topic of:

‘ As Jennifer Aniston is the subject of adoption rumours, why have we still not normalised women who don't have children, through choice or otherwise? ‘

Over the past 16 years of my existence, I have come across many perspectives, let alone topics mentioned abruptly at my Italian family dinners. One of which being my zios, nonnas, madre, and padre’s raging excitement over having grandchildren someday. With my half-brother’s newly born baby boy and being the eldest daughter, it's a circulating topic which drew my attention to writing this article.

Unlike the rest of my family, I am the polar opposite; I don't want any of it.

To my surprise when I am open about my perspective, people are shocked when I say I don’t want it. My family on the other hand, they're pretty bummed but I reassure them that they luckily have 2 other siblings (including my younger brother) so I'm just the 'recessive gene' in the family.

However, it's always the responses including but not limited to:

‘ That’s sad, you won’t have anyone to look after you when you're older. ‘

‘ Oh you’ll change your mind! ‘

‘ That’s the best part of being a married woman though ‘

‘ So you don’t want to feel glamorous on your wedding day? ‘

‘ So you don’t want a husband? That’s sad. ‘

‘ You don’t want a mini-version of yourself? ‘

‘ Don’t worry you’ll meet someone and things will move fast. ‘

And my most recent and favourite insult hehe :

‘ I’ve grown a monster of a daughter ‘

Love you too mum, I’m just educated :))

But can I just bring up the fact that having a child is A BLESSING. The experience of raising a human being is beautiful for some people (don't get me wrong!) however, it baffles me that people within our society have the mindset which they only want children for a particular reason; to fulfil themselves (this can include : having someone to look after you at an old age, having a mini-duplicate of yourself and your partner, you want your child to make your dream come to life, thinking it will help 'fix' your marriage etc). Majority of the time, having children for any of these particular reasons places tremendous stress and issues on your child.

So for anyone reading this, re-think your life decisions and ask yourself am I really ready to give all of my time, effort and love into a small human being?

Despite feeling comfortable with my current lifestyle without any children or relationships these questions always seem to catch myself off guard.

Having children is without a doubt a MASSIVE responsibility and it disappoints me that society has to create a predetermined lifestyle of the emotions that I myself as an individual 'have' to experience.

Like Grace Barnes and Jennifer Anderson, I have many predetermined responses to all of these questions which I communicate with absolute confidence. This always helps to follow the inevitable pity of feeling like an outcast in society.

**This article is not an attack on the people who wish to have a family or who have children of their own, it is simply a pledge for more recognition in society for women who wish to not bear children become a normality.

Circulating around this topic, the phrase ‘childless’ women is one always given to a woman who is embedded into their career or living in their 30s without children. However, despite being commonly mentioned, to me it seems taboo and almost an insult society puts upon women who wish to not have children.

“You’re not really mad that I’m not having children.

You’re mad that I’m expressing autonomy of choice.

You’re mad that I’m considering other options.

You’re mad that I don’t view that as my ultimate potential.

You’re mad that I dare be selfish enough to make choices based on my best interest, something women are not supposed to do.

You’re mad that I consider it a choice, and that I, a woman, am exercising choice.

You’re not mad that I’m not having babies.

You’re mad because I’m acting like a man.”

― Alice Minium

However, I take my response back to when I was 5 years old; when I was first exploited to the big three of the early 2000’s; the disney, barbie, and bratz merchandise.

However, at the crux of the nostalgic merchandises which was embedded within the childhood of practically every young girl (specifically) is none other than the infamous Disney. The term to call this is ‘The Disney Syndrome’ which includes the effect of exploitation of fairy-tales as a mind programming tool.

So why isn't marriage and child-free life normalised? It's a question which I continuously remind myself of when someone mentions marriage and children. To be honest I wholeheartedly believe it is the patriarchy here to be blamed. The traditional society structure of stigmatising women to place childbirth on a pedestal as being one of the most crucial yet valuable moments in a woman’s life. However, whatever caused this common notion, it is certainly clear that a woman’s expectations are predetermined from the day they’re out of the womb.

Take a look at this definition of the ‘Disney Syndrome’ by staff of the Social Man:

‘ Disney Princess Syndrome is a series of character traits and thinking patterns that cause a girl to disqualify a guy before said suitor even has a chance. They look for any reason to prove that you’re not worthy, and over time begin to believe that no man deserves them. ‘

Majority of the princesses up until the 21st of June, 2012, the release of Disney’s ‘Brave’ featured a bold female protagonist Merida whose story excluded the concept of a prince charming. Instead, Merida’s storyline included her brilliance in archery skills wanting to shape her own path in life to defy her mother’s oppressive yet loving traditional values of upheaving a kingdom.

This was one of the first times in Disney history where the ending of a Disney princess movie didn’t include a damsel in distress.

As a society and as a school filled with young women, we need to set a starting point of normalisation. Perhaps it can begin with us, the individuals of ‘Generation Z’ , to stop placing children and marriage on a pedestal as part of ‘womanhood’. Perhaps it’s time to rewrite the narrative of a predetermined lifestyle for women.