how to tell someone you’re not okay

Updated: Oct 20, 2020

This year has been a rough one. From bushfires to the global pandemic, 2020 has been a tough one for many people not just physically, but mentally.

Trying to make sense of your mental health is a challenge in itself, let alone talking about it with others close to you.

These conversations can be really hard to start and are definitely not fun or comfortable. But it’s super important to learn how you can let your friends know that you’ve been struggling because having that support goes a very long way.

before starting this convo, go in with a goal

Whether it’s letting your friend know how you’re going, or if you’re reassuring yourself you’ve got their support, going in with a goal in mind can help you push through. No matter how big or small this goal is, it’s a significant start to keep your friends up to date and to reflect how you are going.

be prepared

This conversation can be really challenging, by making sure you’re prepared it can allow you to establish a few ground rules for yourself. A helpful tip is to stay at the same eye level, by doing this it creates a more personal conversation. Another thing to prepare is how you’re going to bring it up. The best way to do so is to start a discussion of places and people who have already had conversations similar to this.

do something while you’re saying something

Not everyone is comfortable sitting opposite someone and discussing our feelings. If you don't feel comfortable speaking face-to-face, bringing the topic up whilst doing an activity can help. Whether it’s on a bushwalk, late-night drives, in the dark at a sleepover, whatever relieves pressure is the best option. If you get overwhelmed or it doesn’t go to plan you can shift the topic back to the activity.

start the conversation

This is a difficult conversation, it does not need to be perfect. It can be as indirect, direct or open as you like. Whether it’s “I’m going through a tough time, and dealing with some stuff” or “I’ve been getting really stressed lately and will really appreciate some support from you” it’s on your terms and how you want to express it is your choice. There are no rules when it comes to talking about these topics, just start with what you are comfortable with.

take it online

If you feel really uncomfortable talking about these topics in person, you can discuss it online. We are always taught that it’s best to have these important conversations in person, which is true, but sometimes the circumstances are not right. There is nothing wrong in sending messages, texts, or even a DM to check in because if you want, you can meet with the person afterwards. It’s better to do something than do nothing at all.

It may seem daunting to tell your friends you’re not okay, but this fear comes from the expectations you place on yourself that you can fix everything. You are not alone, you are worthy of love and support.

Telling your friends might not be perfect in one conversation, but starting the conversation is the most important part. Once you begin to open up, you’ve already done half the battle.

If you’re struggling with mental health and you can’t open up to your friends, you are not alone and these helplines are here to support you whenever you need.